Waiting for this sky to fall
by OpheliacAngel
Summary: Season 3 AU. Allison's cold fingers close gently yet desperately on her wrist and Lydia knows, knows clearer than anything else that this is the sole person to fight her way back for. Written for Female Character Trope Fest, I combined two tropes: amnesiac!Lydia and Allison/Lydia road trip.


**Title: **Waiting for this sky to fall

**Author: **OpheliacAngel

**Pairings & Characters: **Lydia/Allison

**Genre: **Romance/Friendship

**Rating: **Teen

**Summary: **Season 3 AU. Allison's cold fingers close gently yet desperately on her wrist and Lydia knows, knows clearer than anything else that this is the sole person to fight her way back for.

**A/N: **Written for Female Character Trope Fest, I combined two tropes: amnesiac!Lydia and Allison/Lydia road trip.

**Soundtrack: **Title and lyrics taken from Our Lady Peace's 'Somewhere Out There'

* * *

_~You're falling back to me_

_You're a star that I can see, yeah_

_I know you're out there~_

* * *

Memories filter in or out, but if she could decipher any one of them she would definitely be in a better position than this.

She comes back to herself with a hand on her shoulder and when she looks over, Allison's mouthing something that she can't understand, something that after a moment looks like her name. Lydia shakes her head clear, her hearing coming back to her piece by piece to discover that Allison is saying her name over and over like a mantra that she breathes, that she says almost without meaning to.

Lydia places her fingers over her mouth, Allison's lack of silence dizzying her. Allison immediately quiets and her eyes widen with curiosity and concern. It's not a look Lydia likes on her, to have Allison be constantly concerned for her own well-being and sanity. She'd rather see her happy and smiling and laughing.

She almost sighs out loud at that: she loves Allison's laugh.

It's like the sun coming out, or stars twinkling above her to light the way to refuge.

"Where are we stopped?" She whispers, hand already going for the door handle to let herself out of the car that is slowly suffocating her. She doesn't look over at Allison, but listens as she sniffs and regains her composure. It takes her a moment, pulling out the map and glancing at it for a minute or two, but Lydia strangely doesn't feel impatient anyway, so she gives her some time.

"Northern California. Don't exactly know where," she laughs nervously, "kinda spaced out for a while." Lydia doesn't blame her, she's been out of her own head since Allison directed her out of her house and into the car, telling her extra gently as if she may break as a result of wrong words, that they were going on a little road trip to get away for a while. Despite Allison reassuring her that she just needed to get some space from Scott and her father, Lydia knew it was more for her own benefit.

She can't remember much about... well, anything really. And if she were in her own head enough she would most likely feel guilt that Allison has to take care of her like this, even if she would do the same thing for her.

It's called amnesia, she knows, but calling herself an amnesiac does nothing to calm her nerves.

Lydia opens the door and steps out. She's a little shaky, and her footing and balance is decent at best, but breathing in the fresh air is helping her considerably. Bits and pieces of memories or nightmares, she can't determine between them yet, aren't assaulting her at the moment and Allison must realize this, for she merely opens her door though sits in the car staring at the map for a few minutes more. Lydia feels happy, running her hands through the grass and relishing the wide open and quiet field surrounding her, civilization nowhere in sight.

She has needed this.

Allison finally steps out, pulling on an adorable hat that Lydia picked out for her a while back, the last time they went shopping together actually, one of the very first and very few memories that survived with Lydia. "We should probably hit the road again, I'm getting hungry."

Lydia nods, not wanting to leave this place but accepting Allison's judgment all the same.

She trusts Allison Argent with her life.

**...**

The place they stop is nowhere extraordinary but Allison walking next to her, so close that she brushes against Lydia with every step, is beautiful and perfect in its own right. They slide into a booth and Lydia focuses on her menu instantly because it's easier than looking at Allison. Every once in a while though, her eyes flicker up to watch her and soon she becomes more lost in her than in the menu, not too good considering she's starving.

"What are you getting?" Her eyes finally, _finally _leave the menu for Lydia, and she must figure out pretty fast that the menu hasn't had much attention from her. "What's wrong? Is this okay...?" She makes a move to get out of the booth, watching Lydia closely, "We can go if you need to." Before she can respond, Allison's cold fingers close gently yet desperately on her wrist and Lydia knows, knows clearer than anything else that this is the sole person to fight her way back for. "Are _you_ okay?"

Lydia opens her mouth to say 'fine' but nothing comes out, probably because she literally feels like she can't say it... ever again. Because she's not fine, she is absolutely not fine in the slightest. Allison's looking at her so warily and she seems scared and concerned and frustrated all at the same time, probably envisioning that there's no way she can help her.

She's wrong though, just her being here is helping Lydia immensely.

She leans forward across the table and she envisions Allison pulling away, but Allison doesn't pull back in the slightest. Lydia feels terrible, horrible that she can't do better, that Allison had to put her life on hold and drop school just to take her somewhere in the hope that she'll somehow regain her memories. Allison and her father spent their entire summer trying to do just this, and nothing could make Lydia feel so useless and infuriated by her predicament, and shocked that there are people out there who do care about her, enough to offer their home and their time to her...

"I think I'll get a shake after all," she looks at the menu to read the flavors, which she reads aloud, finally settling with, "a chocolate one." She calls the waitress over and orders, and during this Allison stays exactly where she is, quiet and not moving an inch. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me the truth," she inches forward and lays her hand on top of Lydia's, the one fidgeting with the napkin, comforting her. "I want you to know that you can be honest with me. No matter what you say, it won't freak me out. We've both been through too much... in the past, for either one of us to look the other way."

"The truth is," Lydia admits to her, taking a sip of her shake a moment after it's set down for her, "I don't remember anything. And when I say nothing, I mean nothing." She says it hopelessly, not with an accusing and impatient tone towards Allison's concern in the slightest. And Lydia wants to say more, wants to say how frustrated she is and how sometimes she doesn't even trust Allison because she can't remember a single thing about her.

Then she thinks of the past summer.

The summer that caused the two of them to become completely inseparable.

She watches Allison as she continues to sip her drink, watches as Allison looks at her, as if waiting for her say something else. "You know, your memory isn't everything," she finally says. "You can start over, _we _can start over."

Lydia thinks about it, thinks about how much she wants to remember Allison, remember meeting and becoming friends the first time around with her. If she agrees to start over, then she doesn't have to push herself to remember anymore, she can give up and...

"No. I agreed to come on this trip with you because I want to remember and..."

"I want you to remember too," Allison intercepts, eyes shining with tears as her hands now hold both of Lydia's. "Just the way I remember it. And we don't have to go back until you do, my dad said to take all the time we need. And there's nowhere else I'd rather be," she adds, wiping under her eyes, blinking back her tears, as if Allison is the one who's breaking and not Lydia.

As if Lydia needs to get up and slide in next to Allison, hug her and hold her, and Lydia can't stop thinking of how Allison would feel, of how wonderful and comforting it would be if she never had to pull away...

She gets out of the booth and slides in close to Allison, picking up her menu and looking it over for a minute before putting it down and smiling over at Allison, who stares at her with a surprised but genuinely happy expression on her face. "What are you having?" And she asks like it's the only thing that matters in the world to her at this point, and maybe it is the only thing.

"I don't know," Allison admits, blushing a little at that. "That's why I was asking you."

"Well," Lydia smiles at her, feeling like what she suspects to be her old self again. Otherwise she wouldn't be this much at home... and this happy. "Looks like we'll have to change that then."

She never does end up going back to her side of the booth.

**...**

It happens one night when she comes back to herself, feeling like she is being slammed back down into her body, not knowing if she's just woken up or is still immersed in some dream. The night is noisy and bright outside the window, the glass cool against her cheek. There are insects buzzing and chirping and the vivid full moon giving her a clear look at the girl sleeping next to her.

If this is real, she can't remember the moments and hours leading up to this, how her companion was able to convince her to sleep in a car parked out in the middle of nowhere, subject to all sorts of danger. It doesn't feel like it though, she feels safe and secure since leaving, feels content to just be with Allison of all people and not alone. She doesn't think she could handle being alone right now.

She smiles down at her, fingers brushing through her dark hair, causing Allison to stir slightly and settle down into a more comfortable position. She leans closer, knowing full well what she's doing and not caring. If this is real, it'll be awkward later, but if this is a dream then she will be disappointed and relieved and sad all at the same time. Whatever this is, it's worth it. It's worth the risk. Her mouth closes on top of Allison's and the latter instantly wakes up, pulling away from Lydia and sitting up, staring at her with wide and confused eyes.

"Lydia..."

She puts her fingers on Allison's lips just as she had done the day before, quieting her. "Shh...," the kiss is longer and deeper this time, freezing Allison in her seat and Lydia holds on like Allison Argent is her lifeline. "How have I never realized how beautiful you are before?"

"Lydia..." Allison says again, though she seems to be relaxing slowly and racked by wonder instead of disgust. Lydia can't imagine how she came up with that last one, maybe because she's imagined Allison is out of her league since being introduced or rather reintroduced this past summer. Allison had spent plenty of time telling her about the person she once was, now leading her to think about how much she seems to have changed since losing her memories. Back then, apparently Lydia should have been out of Allison's league and not vice versa.

She wonders if she's always known that Allison is one of a kind, even in the past, uniquely beautiful and someone she can easily get along with.

This past summer, Lydia had spent more time with Allison than she could wrap her head around, considering she couldn't even remember her, and she got to know her well since her breakup with Scott left her with hours of boredom and uncertainty. She had become her best friend, her closest, and she would do anything not to lose that friendship. Unfortunately for her though, her feelings had grown far beyond that.

She suspected it through the haze of confusion in her mind, but now it has finally come to her coherently: she is in love with Allison Argent.

And she shouldn't be ashamed, she should be proud, knowing that she would treat Allison with such respect and care, the same way Allison's treated her. She just broke up with Scott though, and she's still having a difficult time getting over him.

Just like Lydia's supposed to be having a hard time pulling herself back from Jackson.

Who she barely remembers either.

Her main goal now should be to get better, to work her way slowly and steadily back to reality. She doesn't have the time, strength, energy or mental capacity to fall in love right now, to accurately portray to Allison how much she truly wants to be with her, how important this trip is to her. Her head has been clearer since they set out, and Lydia can only hope things will work themselves out from there.

"Allison," she responds, smiling at her lovingly and Allison must not like the expression upon her face, for she fumbles for the door handle and steps out into the dark, shutting the door behind her. She starts walking away from the car and hopefully she's smart enough not to go far.

If Lydia could turn her eyes away from her figure, she certainly would.

**...**

Lydia must have fallen asleep because the next time she wakes up, Allison is starting up the engine and pulling out of the field gently, eyes avoiding Lydia. Sure, it's painful to watch, painful as she wracks her head to gauge what Allison's feeling and to at least retain some memory of hers as to help her in this predicament. Nothing, nothing but giving herself a migraine. She breaks away, stares out the window again; she isn't going to push Allison right now.

Tense hours go by,and they only stop to eat a short breakfast of bagels and cereal before Allison speaks, perhaps to try to calm Lydia's slowly gnawing away at her nerves.

"Look, Lydia... I..."

"You don't have to explain." She pulls her hair away from her face, looking over to find Allison returning her gaze, and it's a treasure and an accomplishment in itself. "Last night...," she doesn't want to say these words. What other choice does she have though? "Last night didn't happen as far as I'm concerned. Okay?"

Her mouth drops open when Allison swerves off the road and comes to a sudden halt on an access road. She holds on for dear life even when the car stops, afraid something has come over the other girl that she won't stand a chance against. "What?" She looks over at Allison's disbelieving stare.

"Don't you dare cut me off like that, or think you know what I feel. You don't know anything about me, Lydia Martin." She steps out of the car and quickly walks around to the passenger side; Lydia's shock couldn't be any more than it is now, though it seems to increase tenfold as Allison yanks her door open. "Get out," she commands, and Lydia has only known Allison for the equivalent of one summer, remembers that much anyway, but she knows better than to mess with one incredibly determined and pissed off Allison Argent. So she steps out of the car as Allison walks away, minding her footing, noticing Allison doesn't bother to wait for her to catch up.

Minutes later and they stand under a large tree, sheltered by the heat of the sun and hidden from the world around them.

This is the moment that grounds Lydia enough so that she feels like a normal person again. It seems like what happened in the past few months, working through her condition, never happened at all. It seems like she remembers all of her memories exactly as they happened, remembers Allison perfectly right from the start, down to how she smelled and what she was wearing and how Lydia never seemed to notice how much her head was spinning, and who it was spinning for.

This is the moment that is peacefully quiet and beautiful, nothing daring to intrude, the sun flickering off of Allison's dark hair and lighting her up in angelic beauty. Everything seems to move rapidly at first: Lydia's head spinning dizzyingly fast, all moments past and present whirling within her, threatening unconsciousness; Allison's shy smile gracing Lydia for a moment before dissolving into an uncertain frown. Lydia's hands clench and release almost without her realizing it. She blinks and her surroundings are enshrouded in darkness, away from Lydia's present attention and concern, but the shadows don't dare touch the beautiful figure before her, as if shrinking away from Lydia's wrath.

And then everything stills, so rapidly and with such a finality, placing Lydia's feet back on solid ground.

Allison seems to crash forward right into her arms, though it's probably just her overactive imagination.

Even quicker than the crash? Allison's lips on hers freeze her completely, much like she suspects her own did when Lydia kissed her only the night before. She doesn't know why but she never expected this, especially so soon after her best friend's initial shock last night. Maybe when she left, Allison had time to mull it over; maybe Allison realized she did feel the same way.

Cause it's pretty freaking obvious right now that she does.

Her lips are full and her breath is warm, fingers running over and through Lydia's hair and it's not in an absent manner. It's like Allison knows exactly what she's doing, every touch is meaningful and purposeful, every feel of her fingers through Lydia's matted hair, which she's been too careless to manage. Allison's tongue only briefly enters her mouth before she pulls away, coming across a tangle.

She stays close to Lydia, whose mind is completely blown, her fingers gently and slowly working on smoothing out the tangle. "We'll have to get a room somewhere and take care of your hair. Don't think my hairbrush is going to fix this." She laughs a little and smiles, fingers finally pulling away from her hair. "When I first met you, you would have collapsed on the spot if you discovered a knot in your hair." She smiles fondly at the memory, brushing away a leaf that's fallen into Lydia's hair. "You came up to me, just caught me completely off guard and weaved yourself into my life so I didn't even have a chance to protest. You were so welcoming and so sure I would follow you, I still can't stop thinking about it after all this time."

Her face clouds then, but only for a moment, "Even after all that's happened between us." Allison finally looks up at Lydia, eyes glowing and Lydia stops breathing as she continues, "I love it when you catch me off my guard."

If Lydia doesn't know that this is love, then she truly must be crazy.

_And I love it when you laugh and smile; I love your voice; I love it when your eyes and attention are directed onto me. _

_I love you, Allison Argent. _

She feels like she's missed half of what Allison's been saying, though somehow, it doesn't really matter. "I've been thinking...," she pauses, to catch her breath. "I've been thinking that half the time you haven't even noticed me." She looks away slightly, blushing and it's the most beautiful sight Lydia Martin has ever seen. "Guess I was wrong though."

Lydia looks at her carefully, her fingers tingling and when she takes the other girl's hand in hers, the sensation stops and when she presses herself closer, their heartbeats seem to align. Lydia places her head on Allison's chest, breathes in her scent and listens to her heartbeat, thumping loudly as if she's as nervous as she is.

She lifts her head up, her mind suddenly forming a clear image, _memory_, for her. "And I remember when we went bowling. I still wasn't sure how I felt about you but I knew we would be friends. Best friends," she adds with certainty. "I couldn't stop staring at you when it was your turn. That way, you were so focused that you couldn't possibly see my fascination."

Allison smiles even more brightly as she realizes that she's been caught off her guard again. Her eyes shine with tears and she laughs with a happiness and relief that Lydia can only reciprocate. "You remember me?" Allison's smile is so radiant and perfect and Lydia's heartbeat frantically speeds up as she leans in closer, their lips locking and her own eyes filling with tears of relief and immense satisfaction. She melts into Allison so effortlessly that it would be impossible for them to be apart.

This moment is thrilling.

This moment is not a dream.

"Yeah," she nods, fingers brushing against Allison's hairline and retreating into her silky soft hair. "I remember you." Though it doesn't mean a damn thing because she fell in love with Allison Argent without quite knowing her anyway.

And she couldn't be more in love with the girl right in front of her, staring at her like she is the sole person in the world Allison cares about. It's more than just thrilling, warmth building up inside of her and flowing to every part of her, leaving no areas untouched. Allison's eyes hold her with love and reassurance, and Lydia's own must surely emit adoration.

**...**

Her memories come flooding back after that without any coherent reason. They're out of place and too many are coming at once, a migraine settling in much to her dismay, but there's a happiness fluttering within her that accepts everything just as it is. She remembers the smell of Allison's hair, even when she came inside soaked by the rain; she remembers her shy smile and nervousness due to the struggle of settling into a new place; and she reminisces upon staring at her in class, her familiar dark hair and gorgeous features, a voice so pure that she hated when it was silenced.

Her memories come back to her willingly...

And Lydia cannot recall a happier time as she receives them.

Allison leads her into a hotel and down to their room on the first floor. Lydia's memories assault her, leaving her unsteady on her feet and half blind, but Allison guides her, hands wrapped around her as she physically turns Lydia where to go next, instead of merely telling her and providing her with another thing to worry about. Allison spends a long time on Lydia's hair after they settle in, shampooing it carefully and generously, her fingers kneading the back of Lydia's neck and her temples, relieving the tension that's been building up. With every touch, every brush of the other girl's fingers against some part of her skin, Lydia can feel her love and her attention completely on her.

She's modest at first, hands held up against her naked body as she lowers herself down into the bath, but Allison merely smiles at her when she earns a moment's release from the past, and gently pulls her arms away to scrub them down with soap. Lydia has an urge to pull a fully clothed Allison into the bathtub along with her, but she has no right to do that at this point.

It has to be Allison's choice.

When it's Allison's choice, there's no doubt that it'll be absolutely the right moment.

After Allison helps dry her off she stands her up in front of the mirror, and Lydia barely realizes what's happening but she knows it's a miracle she hasn't fallen yet. She waits in the bathroom, shivering until Allison comes back and helps her redress in new clothes. She then goes back to work on her hair, blow drying and then styling it carefully with a curling iron, just enough curl to make her look halfway decent again.

Though by the look on the other girl's face and in her eyes, she looks a whole lot better than halfway decent.

She smiles, fingers running cautiously through her hair, enjoying the feel of it. Now she finally has the urge to go shopping, something which Allison has been teasing her about for a while now, unable to comprehend why in the world Lydia wouldn't want to shop, at least to get her mind off of things.

If it means she can get some more hats for her to admire on Allison, then she's definitely ready now.

**...**

They don't have sex that night, as if Allison senses that she isn't quite ready, can't possibly give full attention over to Allison when she's still in pain and disoriented, the past filtering over to her slower now but still as unrelenting as the hours prior. They do strip down, completely naked, and let their fingers wander wherever they will, touching each other with caution but wonder, fingers lingering on skin or tangled in hair, eyes looking each other up and down before two pairs latch onto one another and never look away. Their hands and fingers don't stop roaming, and it's dark but Lydia can see Allison's beautiful naked form in the moonlight streaming through the window. Her hands find Allison's face and her fingers brush against her full lips, twirl around her hair.

"You staying with me, being with me, it's changed me for the better. I love you, Lydia."

And if she's too tired and out of it to say it that night, she certainly makes up for it during the course of the next day, where she feels like herself again: one-hundred percent and back to appreciating Allison. She says it over and over and when she doesn't say it, the fire they feel between them when they kiss and the way their bodies move slowly yet surely against one another says it all.

Lydia loves Allison Argent.

And from now on, she'll never let herself pull away.

**...**

She awakens with a start, not knowing her surroundings and looking down at herself, having no idea who or what she is. Her eyes flash to the bed, to the window, to the door that's opening.

"Lydia...?"

She jumps up, runs away as far as she can from the door before she bumps up against a wall and slides down to the ground, her eyes widening with fear, hands digging into the skin of her legs hard, as if new pain can take her away from all of this. Whatever all of this is.

She doesn't know who Lydia is, isn't sure she wants to know. For all she knows, it could be her own name.

"It's okay." A young girl steps into the room and closes the door behind her, trapping her, giving her nowhere else to run. "Do you remember me?"

She shakes her head, backing up against the wall more even though there's no more room, even though the wall's not expanding beyond her, providing a way out. The girl's hands are up in the air as she approaches slowly, eyes filled with pity and concern, she can tell that much and something inside her orders her to calm down, tells her that this is a friend.

Not all her fear and not all the tenseness in her limbs dissipates, but her hands stop painfully clenching the skin of her legs, and she relaxes a little in order to let the girl approach. She doesn't move closer though, she stops in her tracks about a foot away from her, staring at her with such concern that seems to fill the room thickly, nearly suffocating her.

"That's okay. Want to come downstairs?" The girl offers, smiling, her hands no longer held up but her finger brushing against one of her own, causing her to jump but then settle down again when she realizes the girl is still smiling at her. There's something that seems so gentle and harmless about her that she wants to believe, wants to give in... "We're about ready to have dinner."

"Allison!" Another voice, a male one, rings out from somewhere far off and she doesn't jump this time, merely stares up at the girl, who holds out her hand, who seems infinitely patient and she now realizes, stunningly beautiful.

"It's okay. You don't have to, just figured you might be hungry. I'm Allison, by the way."

Lydia allows herself one final look into her beautiful eyes before she takes her hand, allowing Allison to pull her up gently and lead her downstairs, where a man busies himself with setting the table. She can't even give him more than a moment's glance though, her full attention is on her, the warm hand holding her own, squeezing it gently, smiling at her out of the corner of her eye.

She feels safe.

She feels safe with _her_.

**...**

When she wakes up several mornings later, still in the same hotel, she feels a new openness and love between her and Allison that she can no longer ignore. She glances over and smiles at the other girl's peaceful, sleeping form, hair disheveled and beautiful, before easing herself slowly out of bed so as not to wake her. The shower she takes wakes her up, but as she steps back outside to see Allison sitting up in bed, yawning, no sight could give her greater clarity.

"Morning."

Allison yawns again and smiles up at her, leaning into the kiss Lydia walks over to the bed and initiates. "Morning."

Now her new memories are mixing in with her older ones, and it'll still take a while to put them into the proper time frame, and it'll still be hard for Lydia to label that last moment as actually not being the first time she ever met Allison, but it will forever remain a beautiful moment that she will never forget. It'll take time, these things always do as Allison continues to reassure her, probably as much for her own benefit as for Lydia's.

For once in her life, Lydia isn't impatient. She's ready to face the challenge as long as Allison sticks by her. And she knows she will.

"Want to go back home?" Allison asks after long minutes of being deep in thought during breakfast, probably feeling as emotionally refreshed as she is, the tense and awkward rift between them finally healed and their bond expanded, and Lydia has to think about it for a moment, though not really.

"Yeah," she smiles a little, "as long as you're coming with me."

Allison grins, "You bet I am."

**...**

They sing along to songs on Allison's ipod on the drive back, the tension snuffed out between them. They pull off the road and make out on more than one occasion, scarcely daring to pull away until they realize how far along the day has progressed, how many more miles they have before they make it back home.

Allison's father is in the driveway when they pull up, opening his daughter's door first and then running over to do the same for Lydia, who nods her head in thanks. Chris seems wary and even a little suspicious, but that doesn't stop both his arms from wrapping around the two girls as they walk together inside. She loved the road trip but honestly? She's thrilled to be back. Thrilled to be back because Allison will be with her every step of the way.

There doesn't have to be a day that goes by where she won't see her. Chris, who's been keeping them together since the summer, as if Allison needed her as much as Lydia needed Allison, will also make sure of this. He's welcomed her into his home and this time, unlike the others, she won't feel guilty and she won't resist.

Waking up next to Allison as many mornings as she can is going to become her new goal.

Her father no doubt notices anything and everything, after all it's his job, but he certainly doesn't say a word as Lydia smiles over at Allison and she smiles back, their hands touching for a brief moment.

"You girls have fun?"

His voice pulls her back to reality, but this time it's no longer a nightmare. Lydia just looks up at him, not in the slightest faking her smile as she ducks out from underneath him and wraps her arm around Allison, adjusting the new hat slightly on her head, breathing her in so deeply that it's all she can do not to grow dizzy with lust. The words come without her even thinking them.

"The very best."

**FIN**


End file.
